Updated: Sep 26, 2019
It's taken me a while to get to this point and I'll be honest, it's scary.
A long time ago I reached out to someone I could trust about the issues I was having at home. These issues were a major safeguarding problem but unfortunately, for whatever reason, they were never resolved.
I went through years of emotional abuse and neglect during my pre-teen to late teenage years and still experience emotional abuse on occasion. I wasn't aware that what I was experiencing was abuse, I was only aware that I wasn't being treated how I should, that I was an afterthought. I remember thinking it was my fault and that I didn't deserve any love from anyone. Which is why I decided to reach out.
I've heard from a lot of people that they found reaching out difficult. I found that there was an element of fear but actually when I thought I was telling the right person, the burden felt as though it had lifted. I would encourage anyone, no matter how small you think your issue is, to try and reach out to someone, someone who you think can help you. Don't let the injustice of my issues being unresolved become a part of your story.
The injustice I suffered left me feeling as though I was in the wrong, that I was lying, even though I was the one experiencing for real the pain I was going through. I think part of the issue with emotional abuse is there are no physical indicators, you can't see bruises on the heart. So when I opened up I didn't look like an abuse victim so anything I said was taken with a pinch of salt. Still, it's important for me to understand and also for you, that it's not my fault and it isn't your fault either.
In an almost poetic way, the issues and the injustice I have suffered has informed my values as an adult. I cannot stand injustice, it angers me and lights a fire inside to stand up and do something. I also have enormous amounts of empathy, I'm sensitive to love, how I'm loved by others but also by how other people love. I love watching videos where someone is affirmed by the people around them when they've done something awesome, or videos when soldiers come home to surprise their families, I can't even make it a minute without crying.
The point is, whilst I haven't had an easy ride and still don't, I have not allowed it to totally define me. I'm still working through things, going to counselling, exploring my feelings and talking to people, because that's how I've been able to process.
Follow the sparkle is my way of reaching out to others who need help, I strongly believe that if we stand together we can overcome anything. A problem shared is a problem halved.
If you've ever suffered through abuse of any kind, this community is here for you. If your affected by any of this, please contact the samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit their website: https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
Be Brave, Be Bold and Be Loved